so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
