At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
where are my eyebrows?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
