I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
