The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
