i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
