He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
