I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
