Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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