I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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