i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
