Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
where are my eyebrows?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
