I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
