Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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