Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
