Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
