i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You did what with his pubic hair?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
