I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
