party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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