I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize