The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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