At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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