I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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