He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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