so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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