3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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