you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
