i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i think my cat just said my name.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize