I think my fart just growled at me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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