you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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