feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
