Your tits are I can't wait for
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
