i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize