Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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