I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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