Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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