In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
