is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
