i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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