There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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