giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
