I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
