I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
