I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
