Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
how do you play pong handcuffed?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
