they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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