Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I fill condoms, not promises.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
