She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
