i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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