i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
