she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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