I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
