We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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