I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
