Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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