he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
