yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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