If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
