i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
