You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
