Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
