I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
