ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You smell like stripper and shame
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
