____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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