Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
