before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
