dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
