I want to walk on stilts...naked
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
