i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
