Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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