i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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