i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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