He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
