Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
