just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
