my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
