dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
