im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
