just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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