dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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