My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
