Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
