Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
