Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
