I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
