As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
