I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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