I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
