I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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