i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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