You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
