You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
