What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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