She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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