Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
