Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
