haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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