good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize