like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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