I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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