you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
