you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
