I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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