We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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