sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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