How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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