Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
