i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
