you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
