I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize