this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Success! We fucked roommates!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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