Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize