Are we in a gay sports bar?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
